Dealing With the Past
by Kathryn Hart
Summary: How can I tell him that I miss him? He's the same person!" Rose realizes she can't deal with her feelings on the Regeneration alone. She discusses the past with Ten, trying to make a connection between the two doctors she's known. Early Series 2. 10/Rose


**Yayy my first Doctor Who fanfic!! :) Just some explaining to do, I'm a fairly new fan, I have watched all of Series 1(with the Ninth Doctor) and the first 5 episodes of Series 2. I'm still very confused over Rose's feelings over the Regeneration. I believe she had a harder time getting over it than she appeared to be. This is a small little one-shot of Rose and Ten discussing the past. If I get anything wrong, I'm sorry, remember I haven't watched all of Series 2 yet.  
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**Summary: Rose finds herself unable to deal with her feelings over the Regeneration alone. She discusses the past with Ten, hoping to find a glimpse of her old Doctor. Takes place early in Series 2, two weeks after the Regeneration. A little 10/Rose, slight 9/Rose**

**Disclaimer: I owe nothing of Doctor Who, if I did, Chris(Nine) would've had more time on the show, as well as David :)**

**Spoilers: Obviously for the end of series 1/Beginning of Series 2: The Regeneration.**

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**_"Dealing with the Past"_

_A Doctor Who Fanfic by_

_Kathryn Hart_

Rose sat in the main room of the TARDIS, watching the Doctor carefully. It had been two weeks since he had regenerated.

Even thinking that word: Regeneration, frightened her. What else did she not know about the Doctor? She had been a little angry that the Doctor had not told her about it until he was seconds from regenerating. She had never been so scared for the Doctor in her life. Before she knew it there stood a different man in the place of her Doctor, her savior, her friend. He had been replaced by a stranger.

Even now he was still very different than the old Doctor. How could she ever tell him she missed him?

She dismissed the thought. She couldn't miss him, they were the same person! She thought she would've gotten over these feelings by now. She brushed a tear away from her eye, ashamed at her confused behavior, but not before the Doctor saw it.

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The Doctor had been tinkering with the TARDIS for a few minutes now. He was surprised at Rose's silence, usually she liked to talk to him, especially when he was busy. At the moment, they had no place to go, nothing to do, so they both wisely decided to rest for a while and gain some energy. Obviously Rose had become bored, enough to sit quietly, watching him.

_She must be thinking some pretty deep thoughts._ He wondered. He stole a quick glance at her and saw her hurriedly brush away a tear. He automatically stood up.

"Rose, what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing." She turned away from him. The Doctor walked over to her.

"Rose, I thought we were close enough now for us to share these kind of things." He looked at her with those big brown eyes.

_She could only remember ice blue. Even his eyes were different._

"It's just...it's just, nothing. I can't..." she stuttered. He placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Rose, you can tell me. We're friends, right?"

"Well," She didn't know how to say it. She knew he wouldn't stop bothering her until she told the truth. "I miss him."

"Mickey?" He seemed disturbed by the thought.

"No."

"Jack?"

"No. Well, yes I do, but that's not. . ." He cut her off.

"Oh no, please, not. . .Adam?" She smiled slightly before another tear fell. It was just another reminder of her old Doctor. _Oh, how much he hated Adam!_

"No, definitely not Adam."

"Then who, who do you miss?"

"Doctor, I miss him, you, I miss you." She said. His face showed confusion, until suddenly, recognition dawned on his face.

"Y..you, miss him?" He mentally slapped himself. How was she ever supposed to let go and come to terms with her feelings if they had never discussed them? He was stupid for thinking she had gotten over his regeneration so easily. These last quiet hours had only given her the time to dwell on her thoughts, remember those painful memories. He leaned over and gripped her hand.

"Come on, we have some things to talk about." He held on to her hand and took her to a different room, a quiet little den with a soft couch. "Sit." He said simply. She sat, nervous. What if he was mad, or frustrated at her foolish thoughts? The Doctor sat down beside her. He seemed hesitant to speak, unsure of what to say. Finally he cleared his throat and started.

"Rose, I'm sorry. I was selfish to believe that you would've taken this easily, seeing how close we had grown before I regenerated. You do know that we are the same person?" Rose nodded.

"Of course I do, I'm sorry, I'm just being stupid." She stood up but the Doctor grabbed her arm.

"You're not stupid, it's perfectly normal. You suddenly have to get used to a new face, a new personality." She gazed at him.

"It's hard putting the two of you together." She said. "You two are so different it's really hard to believe you are the same person." She sat back down and the Doctor sighed.

"What exactly is different? What do you miss?"

"Well, it's not exactly missing it, just things I had become used to."

"Such as?"

"Well, first, you hardly ever say 'fantastic' any more. Not that I want you to, but that word just seemed part of your vocabulary." The Doctor nodded, staying silent and letting her continue.

"You always seemed like the strong and silent type, afraid to release your feelings, grieving over the Time War. It took me forever to get you to release to me those deep, dark secrets, about your home, about the war. Do you still miss them, do you still grieve?" She truly was unsure. He always acted so carefree, so happy, so different. He nodded, letting sorrow etch his features.

"All the time. Every day. With this new body, I've learned different ways to deal with my grief. Before, I believed I could just pent up all my feelings, hoping they would just go away. Now, I realize, I have to move on with my life, realize that there is still joy in the world, and you've helped me do that Rose." He smiled at her. She was unable to keep herself from smiling back, despite her unbidden tears.

"That's one thing I don't miss, Doctor, one thing that's still the same, your smile has the ability to melt my heart." She clasped a hand over her mouth, embarrassed at her bluntness. The Doctor's smile got bigger.

"Really, the smile has the same effect?" She blushed, knowing she couldn't keep her feelings hidden any longer.

"Yes Doctor. That was the first thing I fell in love with was that smile." She thought his smile was unable to get any bigger, but it did. His face was bright with emotion. He stood up, gripping her hand and pulling her into a loving embrace. He whispered in her ear.

"That's fantastic." Rose smiled, letting the tears fall. He may be different, on the outside, but she would find him, her Doctor was somewhere in there, she knew she would discover a way to bring him out.

Or maybe, she could even fall in love with this Doctor all over again. After all, they were the same person.

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**Please review! Did they seem too out of character? Please be nice it's my first DW fic!**


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